Your Past Has Passed: Navigating from Pain to Purpose

Pain is inevitable. It is a part of the Process. In this life you will have ups and downs. But the key is to know how to navigate through it so you don’t get stuck.

There are more than 300 million people who suffer from depression. It can be triggered by many things, including: your health, problems in your relationship, financial hardship, or personal trauma.

Emotional baggage is unprocessed, negative feelings that have built up from your past experiences. This can be Guilt, regret, and fear, just to name a few.

No one is expected to go thru life and not feel anything. You WILL experience pain, and sorrow, and many other things that can trigger emotional distress.

You may become emotionally distant, or have commitment issues, or suffer from paranoia, where everything seems to be an attack on you. You may project your fears onto others and compare those in your life now to the ones that hurt you in the past.

A lot of times as women, we put on the front that we have everything under control. That nothing is out of place, that our children are all well behaved, our marriage is perfect, and we are so satisfied with our careers and our life…and in some cases, nothing could be further from the truth.

I heard this referred to as your Pinterest Life. You know how on Pinterest, everything is perfect. They used to have these challenges and it would show the original picture from the Pinterest post, and then they showed what it looked like when you tried to do it and it turned out to be a disaster.   This is exactly what people do. They show us their Pinterest Life. They spend so much time trying to cover up the fact that they are hurting, and they don’t allow time to process these negative emotions and eventually it builds up, causing them to break down.

A lot of times, childhood trauma is not revealed until later in life because we compartmentalize it, and pack it down. But people don’t understand that there is a connection between what happened in someone’s past, and the way that they respond to certain situations now. They established their pattern of thinking and their emotional response to certain things based on the lessons they learned from that traumatic experience. And now, when triggered, they go back to that fight or flight mentality because that’s what’s comfortable to them. So, in this situation they end up sabotaging their own lives and their relationships.

So how do you get from Pain to Purpose?

I’m glad you asked.

The first thing you need to understand is that THE PAIN WAS ONLY FOR A MOMENT. The actual event happened, and then it was over with. IT’S THE EFFECTS OF WHAT HAPPENED THAT LIVES IN YOUR MIND. It controls your emotions and if you are not careful it will take over your life.

You must allow yourself time to work through your pain. As I said before, Pain is a Part of the Process. The process is the road you have to take to get you to the place you want to be: Mentally, Spiritually, Physically. You need the Process to fully develop you for your purpose so that you can serve from a place of healing and wholeness. There are no shortcuts. No easy button. The process is a series of actions or steps that must be taken to achieve a particular goal. It is the part of the journey that develops you and sharpens your skills, and the way you think. It makes you stronger. When you have finally made it to the Prize, you will be able to look back and see all the things that you went through that pushed you to accomplish your goal. And that will empower you to reach back and help somebody to do the same thing.

During the process, you want to be aware of your emotions and your thoughts. If you allow it, fear and trauma will paralyze you!! That’s why it is important to work through your emotions and learn to control them, because your mind will keep you hostage and stuck in your past. Your mind is connected to your heart. The thoughts you have are a direct reflection of what is in your heart. Your experiences from the past shape what you believe and think. What you believe is steeped in what you have experienced. Some things you have to release before you can move forward.

Have you ever heard of arrested development? That’s where someone experiences some sort of trauma in their life and psychologically, they are stuck in that same place years later. They cannot get over the pain that they have experienced, and now it has caused a deficiency in some other area of their life.

Fear paralyzes. There is no movement, no growth, and no progress or development.  Fear of failure will keep you from trying. But that doesn’t just affect you. We are each created to be a solution to someone’s needs. And an answer to their problem. If you don’t do what you have been called or purposed to do, then someone else will spend more time suffering or in need or stagnated, just like you. Fear is connected to unfulfilled potential.

Low self-esteem and insecurity are all deeply rooted in fear, as well. You may worry about what other’s think and wonder if you measure up to their expectations. Then you begin comparing yourself to someone running a totally different race. You may struggle with acceptance and confidence of who you really are. At the root of this type of fear is the belief that we are not accepted or valued and are in fact replaceable. This is a fear of rejection, and it will keep you paralyzed as well.

So how do you combat fear??

With self-love and assurance. You have to build your confidence. This starts with understanding who you are as a person. Knowing what skills and gifts you bring to the table. Knowing what you are capable of and who you are called to serve.

Be willing to learn from your pain and mistakes and know that they are not the end of the road, but new opportunities to increase your knowledge and abilities. Address your fears head on and get to the root of what is causing them. This will determine the direction you need to take. Break it down and simplify it. This will bring clarity and brings direction.

Change the way you think and shift your perspective about your story. If you think about it, everything you’ve been through leads to growth and maturity. The valuable lessons you’ve learned from your past, actually pointed you in the direction of your success.

One of the best ways to heal from pain is through Forgiveness. You Need To know is that Forgiveness is for YOU…not the offender!

Forgiveness is not about you being weak and letting someone get away with walking all over you or taking advantage of you. In fact, forgiveness is about you having the power and taking control over your life. It keeps you free. It does not necessarily mean that reconciliation will occur. Sometimes when you forgive, you make the decision to break away and set boundaries.

Letting go of the pain and hurt of your past is going to require a combination of healthy habits and a positive mindset. You have to change the way you think in order to change the way you behave or react to certain situations.

Holding on to hurt or pain can create more damage than was done in the first place. By letting go of grudges and bitterness you can improve your health and gain peace of mind. Forgiveness can lead to healthier relationships with yourself and others, and it can improve your emotional well-being.

Be mindful of your inner dialog. The conversations you have with yourself. Acknowledge your emotions and then work through them. Move away from your role as the victim in order to find your power and release the control that the person had over your life. As you move away from grudges, you will no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt.

You must learn to Replace Hostility (Bitterness) with Peace. Learn to separate yourself from these negative emotions and avoid triggers.

As you allow the pain to change you for the better, you will begin to rewrite your story. And as you rediscover who you are, your purpose and passion will be revealed to you.

THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN OVERNIGHT!! This is your waiting season. It’s the time you take to HEAL FIRST, as you grow and develop into the person God has called you to be. This is where your foundation is established.

For me, it was my faith. I used the time to get closer to God and I began to study those things that I was going through. And I would read scriptures and articles, and I would look for myself in the stories and characters of the Bible and I learned to apply it to my real life. How to take the wisdom found in there and plug it in wherever it fit in connection with my situation.

I went from being a damsel in distress to being a warrior for the kingdom. I learned how to put strategies in place to help me overcome my past. And I was able to change the trajectory of my future.

Remember…We are all connected. You are the answer to someone’s problems. You carry their solution. That’s the reason you must not stop! You have to keep pushing, because the World is depending on you to be what you were called to be.

Your past has passed! It’s time to do the work. Heal, Forgive, Develop, and then Serve. You are stronger because of what you went through. Wiser because you learned from it. And Victorious because you refused to give up.

Be Encouraged. Be empowered. Be Blessed.

I Am Coach Leah

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